My Hat (Complete Re-Write)

My hat is hung on the stray bullets that barely missed,
Some attempt it was to end my life
You won’t ever find me waiting again

The kids who waited for you to come back and make this broken place
A functional home
The wallpaper we placed to make it feel less empty
And those kids are still waiting

My hat is hung on the moments I left behind,
Some attempt I made to fix my mistakes as they were happening
You won’t ever find me waiting again

The arms stayed waiting for you to come back and make this broken body
A safer place to stay
And the wallpaper we placed to make it look less empty
And those moments lay to waste forever

My hat is hung on the footpath you used to walk
Some attempt it was to lead me home
You won’t ever find me waiting again

The windows are now closed
We’ve let new strangers in
And poured our medicine to our veins
And we waited

My hat is hung on the same coat rack you got me last Christmas
Some attempt I made to come back home
You won’t ever find me waiting again

The doors have new locks
A harder place to find
And the floors are made of stone
And I laid on them trying to find their warmth

My hat is hung in your closet
Some attempt you made when I came back home
Where I found you waiting to be found

My Hat (Original Version)

My hat is hung on the stray bullets that barely missed,
Swerved just left and saved a kid
Had her feet collided with me we would’ve been gone, that’s for sure
Then I hung my hat on the stray bullets that missed her

If you think about it, you’ll break your own heart
And at times like those, it pays to be heartless
My way home doesn’t look the same now,
Now that my memories are dirtied by the clips

My hat is hung on the stray bullets of a mad man,
Suspended in time, waiting while we watch
Hours pass us by in just seconds, as they were spent in chambers
Then I hung my hat on the stray bullets of a dead man

Our words crossed out the moments they fell
And at times like those, it paid to be helpless
My way to the back, pushing through the still
Now I fear memories that were dirtied by the clips

The Walls We Are #3

Stay and put,
As we stare at our coverings – painted;
Changed

Through their eyes we are in need of change
With water has brought on our decay
In places – we’ve stayed in ours for far too long

Remember being young?
Bare naked,
Handled by hands whom held so many others?

Those nights we got nailed and plastered but then so quickly abandoned
We sat as others passed us by
Before anyone ever took us for granted again

They dressed us with our coverings,
They added still moments while living in the moments
Now, as she pushes her hands on my chest,
I remember that I am only just the walls

I don’t put the roof over her head nor am I the foundation that keeps us from falling apart,
I keep the wind off her back and in a day she could tear me up and replace me

She could change my coverings and I wouldn’t be the wiser
But as long as she can lean on me I can feel like an important part of the home

Fallen

Remember when you walked away and you thought the door was always open?
The sound of the hinges creaking as our views changed?
How the wind moved through your hair making it harder to see?
How the rain made you cold and warm at the same time?

I watched as you looked ahead
I heard the pieces of the world fall in to place
And I saw your delusions
I felt the moisture holding you

Remember how you said it was for the best?
Did you feel the words tripping over your teeth as they bounced off your tongue?
How you couldn’t look me in the eyes?
How you couldn’t breathe and stop panting at the same time?

I didn’t have any words quite like yours,
I could hear the hallways from your heart to your mind scatter,
Those windows broke, and the souls slowly faded away
And I just sat there, falling

I had fallen apart
I had questions that you could never answer
So I had to answer them myself
Where did I go wrong?
Why can’t I just hear a song,
Without thinking about how you strung me along

I had fallen apart,
Scrambling looking for all of me
And my broken pieces

O.D. Friends

We will kill the pain at its roots
Find the flaw in you and pull it through
And I’ll open up your eyes and cover them in glass
So the world you will see won’t be the same

You will be able to breathe again
Just keeping dosing up
If they tell you otherwise, shop is closing up and the summer leaves will be here sooner than later

Have them read you your rights and ask them to ask your ass goodbye
Leaving town and the heads go rolling

With This

With this photo of you I’ll hold on to;
Memories of your youth I once knew
Helpless like weeds, you’ve taken over my health
And I wait for water to keep me breathing,
I see your roots getting thicker

With this photo of you I’ll hold on to;
Memories of laughter before you knew what was funny,
Hopeless like fire, you’ve taken over my health
And I wait for water to drown me,
I see your lungs getting air

With this photo of you I’ll hold on to;
Memories of tears before you knew what was happening
Fearful like men of ghosts, you’ve taken over my health
And I wait for safety to find me,
I see your eyes closing again

In our last goodbyes we held on like the bridge was just our launchpad
And we felt like concrete,
To the shores we thank for holding us again
And to the sand for bringing us in

In Another Space

She dreams of stars and asteroids,
wonders how many of them exist
what if there is life somewhere else?
else wise, we only know of ourselves

is there any more like ours?
out in the infinite,
there must be something;
that is the only thing she thinks about

there; a single star opens her eyes
must it be the brightest?
be it for rockets or for kites,
another dreamer is looking at the sky

billion light years, could we ever get there?
worlds like ours must be trying to find us
And rockets get stuck in our atmosphere
though we have found ways to escape

she thinks of places that no one has seen;
sees the clouds and says the sun is out
the clouds are never in her way
stars, she says, are someone else’s star

she believes in worlds I’ve never been,
wants the closest heavens;
her name they’ll never forget,
own the stars, she says tonight

rocket ships fly through time and space,
so come with me and leave this place;
some people don’t ever wonder;
day ends with night, when the sky is out

she asks if planets are close like the moon;
might she ever get to see the stars;
get a closer look at someone’s world
a million more might exist

chance to see what else exists;
to feel in love with another galaxy,
touch another star
the clouds will have to thicken;
moon light always shine through

In Your Absence

In your absence,
I’ve finally become fond of myself again

In Your Absence

A place in the heart,
May forever be
A place where our love was
All of the nights gone by won’t be the forgotten ones

Exposed,
Cold lies to the truth
A forgotten face,
Forgot how to live in this broken place

Halls trace my bitterness,
Sleep still haunts me

I’ve become the lion in the cage,
As I’m surrounded,
Surrender
Forgot how to leave this broken place

In your absence,
I’ve grown apart from myself
I don’t even blame you anymore

In your absence I’ve found the silence deafening
How could she ever know?
That I was the reason that you had to go

Stockholm,
I’m not locking you up
But I’m locking down

I fall in love with every stranger I see now
Thinking that they will always be the ones to hurt me
Hoping that the ones I know will never be the ones to go

A place in the world,
I’ve buried my fears of living through self control
Holes of our halves

And I think I’m the crazy one

In your absence,
I’ve finally become fond of myself again
In this void,
I’ve finally found myself again
Living in the fear of never seeing you again

And how somehow that would hurt less

But in your absence
I’ve grown fonder,
I’ve gone longer,
Become a better man
And a better father
I gave myself another chance
Standing strong at a taller stance
Forgiven myself and forgiven others

In your absence I’ve become lost again
But I found my way up,
And I let go of the pictures of you
I’ve let go of the the things that we had

For me it wasn’t easy
Because of you, I’ve become me

Back to You

Chosen away from the fears I had from falling in love again,
Walking away and turning the tides waiting for the moon to lose its ever present pull,
I was a fool for you,
Made broken bets on bitter chips,
Gambling on wages that never quite existed
I couldn’t afford to lose, I couldn’t afford to lose you

The most honest thing I ever said to you was that my cataclysm was spawned by your lack of emotion,
Lack in motion kept us from going anywhere
I watch a million people pass us by,
Happy and content with where their path may lead
They say broken hearts won’t ever make the same noise
That broken is defects proving character
So, book my love for the movies

Chalk outlines walk this city,
And by definition, you have nothing left to define
For you’ve shown them the light by breaking the word
However broken that may be
Yesterday means nothing to a guy like me

Everybody wants a hero, but nobody wants to be saved
Maybe that is just because fear lives in the heart,
Pain lives in the lungs,
Love lives in the hands,
I’m chasing what is on my mind,
Thoughts that want to bring me back to you

Heart Soaked in Gasoline

If the fumes weren’t enough,
The blood vessels explode
Like iron meets the pavement
This inner machine was made to corrode

Ignite a spark,
It wants to burn
But this city was built with matches
And the phosphorus air was not made for breathing

It pumps like the waves that took you under,
An organ made for the churches use
Lying to my face
Made corners for visiting the churches pews

If the gasoline wasn’t enough to almost kill me
The energy you gave off would
Like salt hits the wound
This inner design wasn’t configured to understand

Ignite a spark,
It wants to show that it changes because you matter
But this heart wasn’t ready for the taking of challenges
And the philosophy here was not made for understanding

It pumps like the stream that you watched
A million fish can be underneath
Lying on the floor of this pontoon
Made corners for sinking ships

If the vessel we ship in isn’t stored
Then the gasoline soaked in this shit
Like fist meets wall
This inner machine was made to explode