One Last Time

This isn’t goodbye forever,
Just goodbye for now
But I’ll probably never write another line about how I’m hurt and broken
How badly I sit on my words and I’m badly choking
Wanting to tell the world how I’ve been finding words that can’t be spoken

If I ever wrote about you,
I’m sorry
If I ever said a bad thing,
I’m sorry

I went through hell trying to find my way up
I was just looking for my sidekick
Unless a lot of dudes I was never looking for my side chick
Just someone to love and never let go
But there’s so much pain I had I just didn’t know

And I’d sit down with some pen and paper
Thinking about how can’t believe her
Breaking it off after a week or a month and even a year
How I thought they had it easy and didn’t shed a tear

And I thought I could show the world just how terrible you really were
How you’d leave a man without a single care
And I never looked through their eyes
They were probably more torn up than I

How would I know?
I’d wait around for the message to come
The “I’m so sorry, I’m a monster”
But I refused to look in the mirror
Because I wasn’t a man, just a boy in fear

So I’m sorry to every friendship I ever lost,
To every burned bridge
And the collapsed tunnels
I just wanted you to know I cared

This isn’t goodbye but I’m done writing
I want to live a happy life without fighting
I wanted to save the world
But I lived my life sleeping on the moon

If I ever wrote about you then you somehow mattered
Even for a minute or two
My mind circled around you

The Lines of Liars Who Took on the Thieves That Took You Away

It’s been so long now, my mind lets go of the details
That if I could sing you a song, I wouldn’t be able to start
I look through windows and wonder if I could ever fit
I’m too long gone to ever make it up

As the days pass, these people come and go
There are so many people, and yet some I wish I could know
I walked away, one last hug, one last kiss
We said our goodbyes, one last time, forever

I walked around many cities and many towns,
None of them ever being what you’d call home
And though I’ve never carried you, there was one promise I carried through;
That I didn’t let the pain take me alive

I’m sure you’ve been walking around,
Holding hands with another man,
Maybe even one to take my place
But if I’ve got one last string to be cut, I’d watch it through the windowpanes

Three, the silence of being broken
The words in agreement of placing such silence
As I couldn’t make you float
I’ve just never been that good at being supportive

Two, the words of being spoken
The silence in agreement of placing such distance
As I couldn’t make you fly
I’ve just never been that good at being supported

One, the lines of liars who took on the thieves that took you away,
But I’ve gone too long to make it up

The Hidden Places

She said she wanted to go out,
To get out and see the other world
She looked for the stars in the sky
And only saw black;

Hidden among the moon the clouds won’t move,
They are afraid of showing their true lights
That no matter how far they get they never seem to escape
But there is no gravity

She said she wanted to live again,
That among the sun there must be another world
But as we fly closer we’ve never felt so far;

Until then, I’ll just be hidden
From you, the only one who believes;
The places that we will see
Just don’t be hidden from me

Incomplete: Untitled #16

It’s late and I’m early for a dose of your love,
So pray me back to sleep, oh God
How close to glory have I been brought?
I ask you to bring me to the life I need,
Anxiously I withhold saying three simple words, but it’s only eight letters.

Tell me no,
As the beautiful sun you portray light,
The moon always turns its back away,
I never thought two thousand miles would become so far away,

I pray God,
Don’t let me die tonight from the broken
Swear to me tomorrow will be better

Fallen

Remember when you walked away and you thought the door was always open?
The sound of the hinges creaking as our views changed?
How the wind moved through your hair making it harder to see?
How the rain made you cold and warm at the same time?

I watched as you looked ahead
I heard the pieces of the world fall in to place
And I saw your delusions
I felt the moisture holding you

Remember how you said it was for the best?
Did you feel the words tripping over your teeth as they bounced off your tongue?
How you couldn’t look me in the eyes?
How you couldn’t breathe and stop panting at the same time?

I didn’t have any words quite like yours,
I could hear the hallways from your heart to your mind scatter,
Those windows broke, and the souls slowly faded away
And I just sat there, falling

I had fallen apart
I had questions that you could never answer
So I had to answer them myself
Where did I go wrong?
Why can’t I just hear a song,
Without thinking about how you strung me along

I had fallen apart,
Scrambling looking for all of me
And my broken pieces

Should’ve

Should it be lost today,
Let the horizon sit crooked over the plains

Should it be lost today,
Let the moon sink like sand to the hollow ground

Should it be lost today,
Let the worlds winds come to a brief stop

Just to throw you away

Should I sit alone again,
Might I sit crooked over the end of the plains

Should I sit alone again,
Might I let the moon sink down beneath the surface I stand

Should I sit alone again,
Might I feel the worlds winds spin up my spine

Then the press of your love is gone

Should the sky fail to show the light,
I’ll wait around again

Should the sky fail to show the light,
I’ll fall in love again

Should the sky fail to show the light,
I’ll fly to you again

These hands used to hold on to dear life

And I felt alone again,
Deserted from the moment that I walked away

And I felt alone again,
Deserted in the most public of places

And I felt alone again,
Deserted in my own skin

As my soul departed I could see how small of an impact I made on the world

And all of the things I should’ve done
When I had a chance

And all of the things I should’ve done
When I had something left to prove

And all of the things I should’ve done
When I had my arms around you

But in terms of letting go,
I’m holding on to you

O.D. Friends

We will kill the pain at its roots
Find the flaw in you and pull it through
And I’ll open up your eyes and cover them in glass
So the world you will see won’t be the same

You will be able to breathe again
Just keeping dosing up
If they tell you otherwise, shop is closing up and the summer leaves will be here sooner than later

Have them read you your rights and ask them to ask your ass goodbye
Leaving town and the heads go rolling

With This

With this photo of you I’ll hold on to;
Memories of your youth I once knew
Helpless like weeds, you’ve taken over my health
And I wait for water to keep me breathing,
I see your roots getting thicker

With this photo of you I’ll hold on to;
Memories of laughter before you knew what was funny,
Hopeless like fire, you’ve taken over my health
And I wait for water to drown me,
I see your lungs getting air

With this photo of you I’ll hold on to;
Memories of tears before you knew what was happening
Fearful like men of ghosts, you’ve taken over my health
And I wait for safety to find me,
I see your eyes closing again

In our last goodbyes we held on like the bridge was just our launchpad
And we felt like concrete,
To the shores we thank for holding us again
And to the sand for bringing us in

Parallels

Chalked up, the distance the line runs
Parallel; I find your outline next
City streets found deserted in the city that never sleeps

I lost you in sequence,
And as I heard the bullets going by,
I rushed in to save you

Sirens wailing while the crowd gathers
They don’t even know our names,
But they stare at our fates
Wondering if they know our face

Pushed back, we are held back from line
These liars never heard a thing
And the man who got away

Painted us in signs screaming they will never forget,
But the children who lived won’t know any different
All I wanted to do was keep you here
But we were meant to live different lives after all

I lost you in distance
Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist
And I’ve always believed in this

Lighthouse

Razors cross across our face,
Chained to the desire to be clean;
To relive floating towards emptiness,
The water never cooperated

Hands cross our hearts
Of hopes crossing our tides.
Those looking for openness freezing;
Who could save such hopeless souls?

Never again, the ship sunk below the surface,
Thought the unsinkable banners meant forever
They never meant a word that was said,
Would we break looking for the sea?

Be it the waves that push us together
Free from the lights searching for our lost souls;

And again we laid upon a broken bed of needles
We fought to hold in our blood,
Lied about never being dead,
About ever facing needles to turn our canvas;

Our lighthouse felt the water kissing its facade,
Bleeding out from our hearts;
Hearts that were never quite fixed